It's High Tide, Baby
by CemeteryDrive911
Summary: A Sean Smith x Ian Watkins story.Smithkins. Smatkins, whatever you wish to call it. Multiple Chapters. I don't own the characters, only the plot.100% fiction.
1. I just wanna be awake for your kiss

Ian owned this stage tonight.

Him and his band.

Him and Lostprophets, I was just tagging along on tour with them, trying to get people to like my band. Lostprophets outshined us tonight, obviously, though. Not that I minded. These guys were my fucking heroes. Touring with them was an honour, and so was being asked by Ian to join him onstage to sing Everyday Combat.

Well. I say sing. Really I was just screaming and doing the backing vocals.

But still.

Lostprophets.

The last chorus kicked in, and the fans were wild as ever. Ian pulled a Welsh flag from some fans in the front row, and put it around his neck while he sang, dashing from one side of the stage to the other. The fans screamed, grinning up at him as he tossed it back, throwing a wink in their direction.

"Don't think you're safe 'cause it's not over…" Ian began, raising his arms, gesturing for the crowd to join in.

They happily obliged, getting louder each time. Ian smirked and sauntered past Mike, playfully slapping the guitarist's ass as he did so. Mike shot him a glare, and wandered off to the other side of the stage, shaking his head. The lead singer then focused his attention on me. I pretended to ignore the look on his face, and placed my microphone back on its stand, glancing around when I realised Ian was right next to me. "Don't think you're safe cause it's not over," he continued to sing, his eyes meeting mine. I supressed a shiver, I'd never properly noticed how beautiful his eyes actually w-

No, Sean. Don't even fucking _dare_.

I gulped.

Time seemed to be on a standstill at the moment, because I knew it had only been a second or two we'd been standing like this, but…damn. It felt like he was looking right into my mind. I briefly wondered if he could tell what I was thinking, but pushed that to the side, because it was a ridiculous idea.

"Don't think you're safe cause," Ian stopped suddenly, letting the fans carry on the lyrics. He looped his mic over his arm, letting it hang, grabbed me by the collar and yanked me towards him. I barely had time to register what was going on before his lips were crushed against mine. I choked out a surprised sound, taking a moment to get my head around the fact that **Ian Watkins was kissing me**. But then I let my eyes slide shut, kissing him back, ignoring the squeals that were coming from the fans in the first few rows, ignoring Lee muttering about something as he passed us, the only thoughts going through my head were how good his lips felt against mine. The thought didn't even scare me at that point. All I cared about was him.

But it was over all too soon, and he was pulling away from me before I knew it, flashing me a devilish grin, taking his microphone back, and finishing the song.

"I wanna thank you all for coming out to see us tonight," Ian said, chuckling as the crowd screamed, "You were awesome, honestly…and I want to thank one of my best fucking friends in the whole world for coming up and singing with us tonight, and for his band supporting us this tour… Everybody give a round of applause for Sean fucking Smith from The Blackout!"

I bowed dramatically as the crowd cheered and clapped, feeling rather proud of myself.

"You don't need to thank me," I said into my mic, "It's been great so far, but I'm expecting the album sales to go up a whole lot, yeah?" I made one of those 'I'm watching you' signs to the crowd, and they laughed, Ian rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, we'll see you guys next time, Goodnight!" I threw the fans a wave before disappearing, letting Ian and the guys have a moment onstage on their own, and also because I kind of wanted to get out of Ian's way for a while because I needed to think.

A lot.

I ran my fingers gently over my lips, missing the feeling of his.

I sighed.

Back when I was a teenager, I had a huge crush on this guy at school. We got drunk at a party once, and we ended up kissing. I made a fucking fool out of myself for thinking he felt the same way and asking him out, to be rejected. And to have him publicly humiliate me. After that I pretended I had still been drunk from the night before, and dated girls to convince everyone else, and myself, that I was 100% straight. And it had worked. Until just then… Ugh.

Stupid fucking Ian, messing with my head like that.

I found a quiet place to sit, and hugged my knees to my chest, contemplating. It must have been a good half hour before someone actually came to look for me, and it was Gavin.

"Sean? Where are you? We're heading back to the bus now," I heard him calling from somewhere backstage.

I sighed, and swung my legs around, over the edge of the storage boxes I had been sitting on, under the stairs that led to upstage left. My best friend raised his eyebrows when he spotted me, and sped up as he walked towards me. "You alright?" he wondered, eyeing me carefully.

I nodded slowly, standing up and brushing past him, but he caught me by the forearm and spun me around to face him again.

His eyes met my own, and he narrowed them.

"Liar. Something's wrong. I can tell,"

I sighed, shaking my head. "Gav, I'm fine, honest. Just some stuff on my mind,"

Gavin's eyes somehow managed to narrow further.

"What stuff?"

Pulling away from his grip, I shook my head. "It's nothing. Leave it,"

"But Sean-"

"Leave. It. Alone." I demanded, before turning away from him and walking back towards the back exit where our Bus was parked outside.

I glanced over my shoulder briefly to see Gavin shaking his head and heading the same way. He _wasn't_ going to leave me alone about this, I knew it. He'd say nothing until we were all in bed, and then he'd appear at the side of my bunk, demanding to know everything. At least he meant well, I supposed.

Still.

His interference was _not_ favoured at this particular moment for me.


	2. Watch it all fade away in the night

**A/N: Sorry for the length of this chapter... But it was pre-written and I didn't know how to cut it down so here it is XD Enjoy. reviews are greatly appreciated, please don't forget to write one. It lets me know whether or not it's worth posting this :) xx**

"Psst, Sean,"

I rolled my eyes. He was right on time.

Sitting up and rubbing the tiredness from my eyes, I pulled the curtain back from my bunk and peered out into the darkness. Gavin's face suddenly appeared in front of me and I jumped back.

"Don't fucking do that!" I hissed, keeping my voice low, careful not to wake the others. He just shook his head at me and gestured for me to move over so that there was room for him. I sat up, thankful for the amount of headroom there was in my bunk, and slid over to the side, hugging a pillow to my stomach and watching him pull himself up onto my bed, and pulling the curtain back over.

"Right," he said, "Spill it."

I rolled my eyes.

"You're worse than some bloody gossipy girls from school, honestly,"

Gav glared at me, and I sighed, staring down at my knees.

"Gavin, please can we just-"

"No, I know something's bothering you and I want to help. Haven't I always been there for you? I'm not going to tell anybody anything you don't want me to, I promise," he looked me in the eyes and I knew he was telling the truth.

I frowned slightly. "Fine, fine. But if you tell anybody, even your cat, then I will kill you, understood?"

He nodded.

"Okay, so, um, basically…" I didn't have a clue how to begin telling him, "…Remember in school, when me and Ryan got really drunk and somehow managed to kiss each other at a party and I told him I loved him and he mocked me in front of everyone but I was still drunk and had no idea what was going on and never spoke to him again?"

My best friend nodded, clearly not sure where I was taking this.

"Well, um…I wasn't drunk,"

He stared at me for a few moments. "You weren't drunk…when what happened?"

"Well I didn't drink too much at the party, and I was aware of what I was doing, so…both?" I shrank back into the corner a little, becoming sort of afraid of how he was going to react. He wasn't homophobic, no, but he'd be more pissed about the fact I hadn't told him until now, years later.

"…Sean…"

"…yes?"

He sighed and extended his arms, wanting a hug. I put the pillow to his side and crawled forward, letting his arms wrap around me comfortingly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged, burying my face in his shoulder.

"Well…you must know it makes no difference to me, right? You're still my best fucking friend on the planet. You know that right?"

I nodded.

"Okay…Okay. But…what about all those girls you dated afterwards?"

"I was trying to convince everyone, and myself, that I was straight. It worked, I mean, nobody mentioned it again, did they? It rarely crossed my thoughts after a while…"

Gavin squeezed me comfortingly. "So why did it cross your mind today?"

Here was the difficult part.

"You know how, onstage…" I began, pulling away from him slightly and avoiding his face, "When Ian kissed me during the last song…"

"…_Oh," _I knew he'd already realised what I was about to say, but I carried on anyway.

"I think…oh, fuck it. I love him. I've always loved him. I just didn't admit it to myself until today."

I curled back into his chest, clinging to his top, trying my hardest not to cry. I didn't really know why I suddenly felt so…so desolate. But I guessed it was years' worth of pent-up emotions that really needed letting out. Gavin stayed with me, god only knows why because I must have snotted a hell of a lot all over his clothes, but I was thankful for his presence. He just held me and rubbed my back soothingly, telling me it was going to be fine. But was it? The frontman of a rock band, always telling people to have hope and to love themselves, but then having a breakdown because he's hopelessly in love with the lead singer of another band, and because he's finally admitted to himself that he's gay, after 10 years of denying it. Doesn't sound fine to me.

I finally stopped crying at some point during the night and must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember was Snoz pulling back the curtain on my bunk, laughing loud enough to wake the dead, and screaming '"GAY!"

As you might imagine, I didn't really appreciate that.

Gavin opened his eyes and glared at our drummer, detaching himself from me so he could stretch and yawn. "Fuck off, Snoz," he glared.

But our drummer just chuckled, eyes sparkling mischievously.

And I could not be arsed with his jokes right then, so I groaned, flipped him off, and buried my face in a pillow, wanting everyone, even Gavin, to just go away and leave me alone.

"What's up with him then, eh?"

"Leave it, will you?" Gavin groaned, sounding pissed off, "Please."

I huffed, and sat up again, rubbing my sore eyes. They were probably red from crying, but I didn't really care. "I'm going for a shower." I announced, hopping down to the floor and pushing past Snoz, not bothering to listen when I heard him and Gav call after me. I slammed the bathroom door shut, locked it, and slid down to the floor, holding my face in my hands and letting the tears fall again. I really had no intention of having a shower; I'd just wanted to get away from them all. But maybe it would help, I didn't know.

I stood up and switched it on, staring blankly at the stream of water as I removed my clothes and kicked them to the side, before stepping in.

The water was warm, and soothing, I let out a content sigh, tilting my head back, letting it run over my face and my hair. I lathered my hair with some shampoo and sat down, cross legged, on the shower floor, letting my hair rinse off itself as I couldn't really be bothered doing it. All I could think of was Ian _kissing me_. It wasn't even a proper kiss, it was barely a peck on the lips, and here I was, ruined by it.

He hadn't even meant it, had he? It was a joke. Of course it wasn't serious, he was Mr Mighty Ian Watkins, and he wouldn't be interested in the likes of _me. _Who was I? Nobody special. Just another outcast kid trying to find somewhere he belonged.

And anyway, Ian wasn't even gay. Or bisexual... Or anything which could include some shape or form of same-sex attraction, he was as straight as a ruler, it was obvious. The way he'd spoken about girlfriends in the past, or even just down to the way he looked at a woman he found attractive, it was crystal clear where his attention was focused. He liked curves and tits, soft, feminine hands, a higher voice, he liked it when they could be polite and cute with him in public, he liked it when they wore dresses that complimented their shape, he liked it when they wore heels, especially when they were still a little bit smaller than him.

And Me? Obviously, I had no curves or tits. My hands were calloused and wrecked from cutting or scratching them on practically everything I touched. My voice was low and my job in my band was to scream. Polite and cute? I threw up onstage often and swore like a sailor. And never mind dresses and heels, I wore skinny jeans and band t-shirts. I was just the exact opposite of what he liked. The kiss was a joke, and I'm sure he hadn't intended on it being the cause of my near-sleepless night and the chaos that was currently going on in my brain.

A sudden knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts.

"Sean!"

"What?" I yelled back over the noise of the shower, wiping water from my eyes.

"Get out of the damned shower. I need in and you've been there for half an hour!" Matthew sounded pissed. Jesus, I'd been in there that long? It didn't feel like it.

"Gimme two minutes," I muttered, standing up and switching the water off, before grabbing a towel, wrapping it round my waist, and getting another one to quickly towel-dry my hair with. I picked up my bundle of clothes, and opened the door.

Matthew glared at me. "Out." He demanded.

I rolled my eyes and shuffled past him, shaking my head when I heard the door slam shut behind me, and made my way back to my bunk. The bunk area was quiet, so I assumed the rest of the guys were in the main area, watching TV or eating. I quickly dried myself off before grabbing a pair of black skinny jeans and my 'A bathing of cake' top, and pulling them on. Using my hands to comb my hair into shape, deciding to let it dry naturally, I shuffled through to where the food was.


	3. Issues

**And this chapter is quite short, there's a lot of dialogue and it's not very good... It's a bit of a filler chapter. The next few ones won't have anything major going on, but don't worry. Things will start getting exciting soon ;) **

**Enjoy x**

"Morning troops," I greeted my bandmates as I walked into the main area. They were sitting either eating or just watching the TV, there wasn't much else to do on the bus during the day, anyways. We usually just lazed around and got fat.

"Good morning," Bob waved at me, drawing out the first word for some reason, and grinning at me.

"Hey Sean," Rhys nodded at me, opening the fridge and peering inside, looking for something to eat. I walked around him to get some bread to put in the toaster.

"What are we doing today then?" I asked, knowing we had another show to play tonight but we were stopping off at a few places along the way for rests and opportunities to stretch our legs.

Snoz looked up from the TV. "We're stopping off somewhere for lunch, so there's no point in eating breakfast because it's 11am and we'll be eating again soon," he looked at me and Rhys, who had already started stuffing our faces with food. Sheepishly, we swallowed what we were eating and put the rest back down on a plate. "…Anyway, then we're back on the buses for another few hours till we reach our venue which will be at 3pm or something and then it's the usual routine." He put his glasses back on and turned to the TV once more.

"Oh and Prophets will all be there at lunch," Snoz added.

I froze.

Shit, no. I wasn't ready to see Ian yet. I was kinda hoping that before and after the show I could lurk and hide from him, and then just go to bed so he wouldn't speak to me. But if he was going to be there at lunch…then fuck.

Gavin looked up to meet my gaze.

He frowned slightly, and gave me a sympathetic look.

Snoz noticed our exchanging glances, and tilted his head to one side curiously. "What's going on?" he enquired, glancing at me and Rhys (Rhys, who looked as confused as our drummer, shrugged), and then at Gavin.

"None of your business you poo," Gavin said, sniffing loudly and looking down his nose at Snoz.

Rhys chuckled, and Snoz shot him a death glare. The bassist cleared his throat, and shut up promptly.

"You guys are _so_ gay," Snoz muttered, and shook his head. I couldn't help but flinch at his comment. I knew he wasn't being cruel, he was joking, he'd always joked that me and Gav were a couple, but it still hurt. I bit my lip, and looked down at the counter.

"If you're going to sleep together tonight again keep the noise down," Matthew said, emerging from the shower and grinning at us over his shoulder as he walked towards the bunk area. Gavin flipped him off but the guitarist just grinned even more, before closing the door behind him. I shook my head and plonked myself down on the sofa beside Gavin, doing my best to ignore the faces Snoz was making at us.

I just knew these next few weeks on tour were going to be _torture. _


	4. Bite that lip

**And so it begins to get a bit more exciting...ish...I think...**

**Probably not.**

**... **

"Hello everybody!"

Oh, joy.

It was them.

I looked down at my phone, pretending to be busy texting someone; or something like that. Not that I really _had _anybody to text, but still. My friends didn't know that.

The mindless chatter between my band and his washed over me, I didn't really listen at all, or speak, I just sort of hid behind them, unseen. I'm pretty sure I heard my name once or twice, but nobody spoke directly to me. That is, until we started to head into the restaurant where we'd be eating lunch.

Thoughts of hiding on the bus while they ate had crossed my mind, and I was well ready to follow these plans through, until I heard my name again, for definite.

Chewing on lip slightly, I looked up.

Ian was standing in front of me.

"Hey," he said softly.

I stared at him.

"…You okay?"

_No_.

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat that was preventing me from being able to speak. "Y-Yeah," I stammered, forcing a small smile to my lips. I must've convinced him somehow, because he beamed back at me, and my knees felt weak. God, he was so fucking perfect.

"Shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

Ian frowned at me. "Go inside…to eat lunch?"

I felt so stupid. "Oh! Right. Um, yeah, sure."

He chuckled and began walking, I followed him, putting my phone back in my pocket and wrapping my hands in the hem of my t-shirt, something I did frequently when I was nervous. And hell, did Ian make me nervous.

Inside the restaurant, because there was so many of us, we'd been split up into separate tables. Lucky me, I had been sat beside Ian. But I also had Gav and Stu, so it wasn't all bad…I guess.

We sat down, and were greeted by Lostprophets' bassist and my closest friend. Gavin looked at me sympathetically, and gave me one of his 'what can you do?' sort of looks, his mouth twisting into a slight frown as he did so. I threw him back the tiniest smile, but it was all that I could manage.

They talked together, I didn't join in, but I don't suppose they noticed. Well, Gavin did, but he knew what was wrong so he didn't press the matter. The only time I was really spoken to was when the Waiter asked me what I wanted to eat, and I just ordered a small bowl of chips, not really in the mood for a proper meal.

I nibbled half-heartedly on my food, feeling a little bit sick. Usually, I was seriously pumped before a show, which meant that basically every day on tour I was in a great mood, smiling and laughing and joking at _everything._ But today…I couldn't even be arsed with tonight's gig. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep for the rest of my life.

But no, we still had weeks left on tour, weeks of seeing _him _every goddamn day. I wondered how I was supposed to survive that long without doing something stupid. Also, how I was supposed to get over this. Because, though I'd only fallen in love once before (I'd dated plenty of girls, mainly to keep up my image of heterosexuality, none of which I was overly keen on anyway), I already knew that I fell for people hard. It still hurt me to think about Ryan, and what happened with him was back when I was seventeen.

Sighing, I prodded at the chips with my fork, too lost in my thoughts to bother actually eating anything, or to listen to the conversation going on around me.

At some point, I slipped into a daydream. A daydream about Ian and I.

It wasn't much, we were just cuddling and holding hands and shit. But it was nice. I wanted it; I _needed_ it, to be real. It amazed me how much this was hurting me and it had only been a matter of hours since I realised just how much I actually did love him. Though I knew I'd felt this way about him a long time; he'd always given me butterflies. Previously I had pretended it was normal to feel like that, even though I knew nobody else caused my stomach to go into knows by simply being in the same room as me. I hadn't ever let myself think about it. And now that I _had; _my thoughts were a mess.

Ugh.

Can't this tour just hurry the hell up and _end?_


	5. I apologise

**Okay the idea for the last part of this was from Jenny, so thank you, my little spud ;D **

**I hope you enjoy reading this; don't forget to favourite if you wish and please send me reviews, I love knowing what you guys think (If you didnt like it then hush now and go somewhere else!) :) xx**

**...**

"Man, that was good cake!"

"Cacen,"

"English is good too, you know,"

"Teisen!"

"English,"

"Cacen!"

"You smell,"

"Cac-"

"What's all this about cake?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled as I looked up from my magazine. I hadn't really been paying much attention to what had been going on, all I knew was that Gav and Rhys had been arguing about food, and that Bob was now standing at the door, looking hungry.

"There's cake in the bus, Bob," I informed him.

A grin appeared on his face and he rubbed his hands together. "Excellent," he muttered to himself, turning back into the hall outside our dressing room. Deciding to get off my lazy ass and maybe actually _do_ something, I chucked the magazine down on the sofa beside me and hopped up, following the guitarist out the door but instead of heading left and towards the back exit, I turned to my right, heading in the direction of Lostprophets' dressing room.

I was still avoiding Ian, but I hadn't spoken to the rest of the boys much on this tour, so I guess I owed them some of my time.

Knocking softly on the door as I opened it (Pointless, now that I think back on it, but yeah that's what I do), I peeked in. The room looked empty, but I could hear someone clattering around in the back, so I walked in, letting the door slide softly shut behind me.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Whoah, Whoah, I apologise for the summertime.."

I froze, instantly recognising Ian's angelic voice. Singing one of _my_ songs. More importantly, the song of mine he had featured in.

I panicked, and spun around, grabbing for the door, really, desperately not wanting to speak to this man for fear of making a fool of myself, when I was interrupted.

"Oh, Hey Sean,"

Shit.

Grimacing, I slowly turned on my heel, opening my eyes to look at him. And I nearly had a heart attack. He was standing in front of me, his hair still damp from the shower, in nothing but his underwear. Small beads of water rested on his bare chest and stomach. His famous gun tattoos were on show.

My head started to spin, because, Jesus fucking Christ! I was having a hard time not tackling him to the floor and raping him right there and then. Thankfully, I managed to restrain myself, swallowing loudly and backing away a bit.

"Oh! S-sorry, I just kinda barged in, I-I'll go, leave you to get dressed-"

Ian stopped me with a smooth chuckle. "Don't sound so terrified, I'm not that bad looking, am I?" he joked, winking. My knees went weak, and I had to hold onto the back of the sofa, trying not to be obvious about it. Ian grinned at me, thankfully not noticing my reaction, and continued to speak. "Anyway, you can stay, we haven't spoken much this tour…" he pouted.

I cleared my throat, "I…I, er…Sorry, I know,"

The singer narrowed his eyes at me, "Are you okay?" he questioned, sounding suspicious.

Nodding, I backed towards the door. "Yeah, fine,"

"Sean,"

"I'm fine!" I had meant to sound calm, but for some reason my voice decided to crack and go squeaky, reminding me of my teenage years when I could barely go a sentence without my voice being all over the place. Ian raised an eyebrow at me. I sank my teeth into my lip, afraid to speak again because I knew I'd just fuck up.

"You're lying," he said softly, stepping towards me. I was finding it difficult to keep my eyes on his face; they kept drifting down to his body. That was a major distraction. If I wasn't careful I was going to end up with a little _problem_, and...well. That would be mortifying.

I gulped, and I'm pretty sure he heard it. His face creased into a frown. "Talk to me," he said quietly, "Aren't we friends? You know you can trust me with anything, right?"

Of course I knew that.

Ian and I had been friends for years, although it baffled me why someone like him would even want to be in the same room as me…Ian was practically a God. No. Ian _was _a god. I was absolutely nothing compared.

"Sorry, Ian," I stared down at my shoes, reaching behind me and pushing the door handle down, "I can't. It's…complicated." I didn't even wait for him to reply; I just pulled the door open and rushed out into the corridor, walking as fast as I could, and ignoring him as he called after me.

I needed to be a lot more careful about how I was acting around him.

He probably thought I was a proper wanker as it was, I didn't need to give myself any more chances to screw up.

Like I said, Ian was a god and I was nothing compared to him.

It was always going to be that way.


End file.
